I’m back! Hope you guys didn’t miss me too much. I had the most relaxing and awesome adventure on my solo road trip to Charlotte. It was well needed and a city that felt like home. I’ll be writing more about the adventure in a future post.
For now, I want to talk about the range of emotions you might go through when you experience something like this. For the most part, the situation will unexpectedly arrest you. You’ll have no other option but to pull over to the shoulder and evaluate.
Everybody’s order might be different, but for me, my roller coaster went like like this:
When I took the awkward seat across from my former boss, I had an idea of what was about to be said. Because I like to play out every possibility imaginable, I wasn’t too shocked. (It’s one reason why I hate surprises). Though the conversation wasn’t any less awkward. I was at such a calm, serene mindset when the words were spoken. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I was prepared. I had been praying to pursue opportunities (however necessary) to make a bigger impact on the community and I saw this as an unforeseen answer to prayer. From my period of peace came a little bit of sadness…
Like our friends in the Middle East, the feeling of peace in my situation was temporary. Out of nowhere, I just felt this emotion to wanting to isolate myself from everyone and would get super emotional randomly. You might have thought it was my time of the month (sorry ladies). I never hit the full on ugly cry, but I was close. Nothing anyone said or did could make the sadness go away. There would be spurts of happiness, but sadness was the overwhelming emotion. I knew and have always known that there’s a plan for everything, but sometimes knowing something doesn’t take away from what you see in front of you. When sadness came in like a wrecking ball, confusion quickly followed behind it.
I couldn’t understand why this happened to me. I felt as if I was screaming loudly without opening my mouth the question of “Why?” I would ask the Lord, some friends, myself or anyone who I saw, that question and could never come up with an answer that made proper sense. I circled back through every step and could come up with some solutions, but at the end of the day I still didn’t think it would really end up like this. I know I mentioned earlier that I knew it was a possibility, but there’s a difference between possibility and reality. Also, I kept wondering how was I going to do this thing? This freelancing gig… Could I really do it on my own? Do I want to work for someone else? If so, who and how? I had no clue where to start or what I wanted to do when I grew up. During this entire time, I would still meet with others in the community like I mentioned in a previous post. In fact, it would be those conversations, my incredible family (like my beautiful alien of a niece) and friends, and the trip to Charlotte that got me to the emotional state in which I currently find myself.
Regardless what you believe, there is always room for growth and improvement. My departure from my previous employer has been opening some crazy large doors that I would not have otherwise been able to approach. I still don’t know what I am going to “settle” on doing, but I know that I’m ready to kick down every door, see the world and begin a new adventure with the best smile and attitude.
I’m not negative when I say that an emotional shift will happen eventually, but I’ll cross that emoticon when I get to it. At the end of the day, my faith has not wavered. If anything, it has only gotten stronger. It’s what keeps you going. Until the next phase, I leave you with encouragement. Pursue your dreams and keep pushing despite your nerves and fears. The world is ready for you. Are you ready for it?
Thanks for your continued thoughts, prayers and coffee dates. I’m still open! Dark roast, no cream or sugar please…